I’ve always had a terrible fear of death.
My earliest memories regarding death, were thinking about how I wouldn’t be able to take my stuffed animals with me to heaven at around 5 years old. Later on, as I would fall asleep at night I would ponder the thought of how life was finite and then I would be nothing… perhaps for eternity. This freaked me out often and would keep me up at night.
In my mid-twenties, I got something called “serotonin syndrome” for about two weeks from taking two anti-depressants at the same time. The fear that seemed to emerge was my fear of death and it literally plagued me night and day. My only respite was going to sleep. It was during that time, I asked the questio “Why do anything or learn anything when all that would be for naught some day?”
Fast forward a few years, I’m sitting in my new apartment in San Diego, watching TV, when I came across a show called “Crossing Over with John Edward” I was stunned. Someone was actually receiving messages from the beyond? And more importantly, there was a beyond? I immediately went to the bookstore and purchased Edward’s only book at the time called “One More Time.” I read it from cover to cover in no time flat and was most intrigued when he received messages involuntarily.
At the end of Edward’s book was a guided meditation that anyone could try where you might get contact with your deceased love ones. I tried it. I felt as though I was being visited by my late aunt, but it was only a feeling/hunch. I was intrigued.
I came up for three possibilities: 1) Edward was a con artist, fooling people into thinking that the afterlife was real and that he could get messages. 2) Edward really believed he could “speak with the dead” but was essentially deluding himself with lucky guesses. 3) Edward was telling the truth and the afterlife was real. Based on the evidence at hand: his book and my experience with his guided meditation I decided that 3) was the simplest and most accurate explanation.
I then looked up psychics/mediums and life after death on the internet, and one of the first things I came across was a free e-book from a fellow named Robert Peterson on something called “out-of-body experiences.” It seemed too good to be true, I could practice a series of exercises and see the afterlife/or at least my soul nature by myself.
I kept a journal of my OBE practices as Peterson recommended and tried out many of his exercises. The first month was slow going. I had maybe one or two out of the ordinary sensations or “dreams.” At first I felt that I was getting nowhere, but the fact that I could look back at my diary and see some events was very encouraging. So, I kept practicing. Nothing major would happen during the guided meditations with the exception of feeling like my legs were floating in the air. But, it’s what happened after that was amazing.
I had programmed my subconscious to really want to project and I found that as I would wake up in the morning or in the middle of the night, I would recognize that I was, in fact, “body asleep, mind awake.” I also would have dreams that I was projecting even though I didn’t know what it would really be like.
One night, I found myself in that “body asleep” mode, and I willed myself out of my body and immediately found myself deep in my dark closet. It was spooky dark but when I woke up I thought “wow!” A few nights later, I found myself sitting on my bed and a fellow named Will was sitting beside me. He stood up and beamed some sort of energy into my head. He then took my hand and led me flying out of the window into this bizarre green forest. He soon disappeared and I found myself alone, shouting his name for help.
In the next few months, I had my first out of body experiences. I remember one where I was stuck to the wall socket and I couldn’t hear anything in the room, but an unknown rock song played in my head. In other experiences, I made it outside my room into the living room/kitchen area. Some of the experiences almost led immediately to “somewhere else” which I didn’t recognize. Many had me in my room from childhood, which I thought was very odd. It turns out this was my “astral home.”
At times I would see other spirits and ask them questions. They didn’t seem that knowledgeable but it was interesting anyway. All the while, I started reading other books about OBEs including Robert Monroe’s trilogy. I also read fairly early on a book called Journey of Souls, which was written by a psychotherapist who regressed people hypnotically not just to previous lives but also to the life between lives. I was intrigued and wondered whether I could see similar things in the astral.
A breakthrough for me occurred when I started reading the books of Bruce Moen. Moen attended week-long workshops at the Monroe Institute where they would spend several hours a day in dark bed units listening to binaural sounds through headphones. The sounds were supposed to induce adventures into the spirit world. While I could already do this myself with the practice I learned, what caught my attention was something called “retrievals.”
Retrievals occur when a living person assists a spirit stuck in the astral move to higher vibrational realms. Basically, you ask to do a retrieval, find yourself transported to a new scene with a single person. You would talk to that person, and after awhile a helper would appear who would then escort that person to a higher vibration.
I asked for retrievals while I was out of body, and sure enough, my requests were granted. I found it very exciting help people out. Not to mention, it involved me being transported deep into the astral.
One of the things I read about in both Monroe’s and Moen’s books was a placed called Focus 27. I interpreted this realm as being the higher vibration place that helpers were taking spirits. I tried to reach this realm myself but found it exceedingly difficult. So one night, after finishing my part of a retrieval, I asked the helper if they could take me also into the higher realm. He wrapped his arms around me, and I felt this incredible surge of happiness.
Next thing I knew I was in a new territory. The colors were brighter, the details richer and the air breezy and cool. My time in this higher realm didn’t last, but I kept attempting to get there every chance I had out-of-body. I found the place to very refreshing and full of energy. I also noticed that here, spirits communicate telepathically, and not by talking. In other words, it sounded like they were talking directly in my head.
I felt that this new realm was where spirit guides lived. So I often asked for mine. A few times I was granted visits to a woman who I interpreted as my soul guide. The soul guide in Journey of Souls, is sort of the person that looks after you life after life until you “grow up” and start guiding souls of your own. One thing I noticed about my guide is she spoke with incredible brevity and assertiveness. It was as though she knew I wouldn’t remember much and therefore it was imperative that she keep the message short and to the point. The messages were often warnings of what not do.
One thing I was curious about was where my soul was in the scheme of soul development. I thought that since my favorite color was blue, that I was an advanced soul. I was disappointed to find that when I asked the question, I saw the color yellow, which would put me as “junior” guide. This meant I still have many lives to go, but it also means I have young souls under my wing.
The next obvious question was “who were my young students?” Well, I asked for them, and within 30 seconds, I found about 15 souls lining up around me, as though they were all ready for my lesson. I recalled I used to go on and on about something and the souls would slowly get up and leave. I also requested “1 on 1” meetups with souls and I found this more gratifying. They would come to me with fairly simple questions of morality for which I could easily offer answers.
Back to retrievals, I have always enjoyed doing them. A lot of people like me will do them for a time, and then get bored. I haven’t yet after 12 years. In fact, I like to claim that I have probably retrieved more people than anyone else has ever done in one life. My retrievals in the last few years have gotten quite
fancy in that I now do group retrievals, where I help many spirits at a time move up to higher realms. In addition, I developed a technique whereby I transport the entire scene (spirits and all) into a higher vibration. I don’t always succeed doing this but when I do, it’s an impressive feat. I one time was awarded (perhaps jokingly by the helpers) the designation of making the largest retrieval ever made by a living person.
One thing that has emerged recently in my retrievals is that I was told I have reached the highest level certification for retrievals where I will have to deal with the hardest cases. So far, these seem to include retrievals of very violent spirits.
All in all, I’m very proud of what I’ve done, even though few people will ever believe me Here (at least while I’m alive) I’ve hoped perhaps to write a book or something to leave behind a legacy that future generations will dig up and go “He was doing this stuff before anyone believed it even existed.” But, I guess that’s vanity, so I haven’t really tried. The other thing is that it is surprising that despite all of my spiritual adventures, I’m still the same person I have always been. Same strengths, same weaknesses.